so that wasnt chicken after all
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
