Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
