Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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