Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
