i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
