Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
