she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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