12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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