i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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