Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
