If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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