just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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