Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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