Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
