is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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