I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
