Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
