I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
