Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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