the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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