i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
