I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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