I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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