Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
