hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
