I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
