I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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