i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
