My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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