I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
