life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
