the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
