I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
