I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
