so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm just crazy horny about you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
