i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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