I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
