you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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