Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
