ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
