Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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