Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
