Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I die, sorry about rent.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
