We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
