things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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