Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
