So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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