I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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