So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
