It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
