You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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