Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
