why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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