420 ftw
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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