We're facebook friends in real life
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
