Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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