the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
