just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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