hotel room ftw
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
