If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
