I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
