The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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