Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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