the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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