I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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