I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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