Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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