I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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