dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
