u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm passing your future prison.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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