Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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