Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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