he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
