Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
